I quit gaming recently. I was thinking about my life and the person I want to be, and how I can make future me proud of today me. After a lot of thoughtful consideration and avoidance, I faced it head on. I felt that I had to quit if I wanted to get anywhere in life on purpose. I don't know future Amaris all that well, so this might be more of a gaming sabbatical than a divorce. But for now, here is my reasnong and the responses I get (I've been a bit shocked at some of them).

Honestly, I have very poor self control and can get really obsessive about video games. When Steam told me I had spent almost 500 hours in Deep Rock Galactic (I don't even want to check Stardew), I was a bit ashamed and it spurred this whole internal debate. I thought a lot about how I used it to avoid mental distress when I was Down Bad- I played until my eye lids defied me. We have put in a lot of work and I don't need to rely on it anymore. I can now admit that playing video games doesn't further me or my dreams, it doesn't nourish my soul or leave me feeling rested or ready for anything else in life. I actually usually feel like I just need to grind more. I want to be purposeful about the little time I have here and spend time on endeavors that I value, not on things that were built to drag me in and keep me away from living my dreams while I can. It honest feels like a parasite eating away at my time.

The response I usually get is along the lines of "You're allowed to waste time" or "But don't you know you need to relax and wind down?". It's a bit shocking to me! To me, this is an intentional move towards a better me but others respond as if I am harming myself. I agree downtime is important and necessary, and I don't feel that I neglect that need. I guess the difference is that now I try to find it in other areas, like hobbies. I understand where people are coming from when they say it - I fully support the rethinking of "productivity" and work in general.

I'm not saying gaming is bad and everyone should stop. I am saying that it doesn't cultivate the behaviors and skillset I want to have, so I am parting ways with it. It seems to me that the activities that are considered to be "down time" and "wasting time" are dependent on what people find to be beneficial to them anyways.